# Relationship Math: 1×1=1

By Susan B Clark.

I live in a community where there is lots of talk about oneness and unity.  Often, I have felt at odds listening to the discussions because there has been a quality to the conversation I interpret as a transcending of the human experience to some ‘higher’ order, which I don’t agree with.  However, when some Haven friends presented me with the Relationship Equation 1 x 1=1, I had an “Ah Ha” moment!

## Let’s just review some basic math

1 x 1=1 and
0.5 x 1=.5 and
0.5 x 0.5=.25

Now, applying this math to a relationship, you can see that if I show up in any relationship as only half of myself, then the outcome, even if the other person fully shows up, is still only 0.5.  Not oneness!  Worse, we both show up half way and the return is a a mere 0.25.  This means that if I want to get to ‘oneness’ I must bring all of me to the equation: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful! There is no transcending, cutting out parts or by-passing the ugly ego or really any part of myself.  This totally changed my view on ‘oneness’.  I am all for it now.

First, from a relationship context this makes complete sense.  Sure, I wish only the best of me showed up day-to-day in my interactions with CrisMarie.  However, when you live and breath, travel and work side-by-side all the time, that is just not ‘real’.  We have amazing moments of closeness, and we have horrible clashes.  We also have lots of just sort of boring day-to-day experiences.  This is life. It can become easy to disengage or try to hide parts of myself that show up at the wrong moment.  However, if I go back to the math, I get that anytime I take a part of me out of the equation, I miss the opportunity to experience oneness.

I listen to people trying to get rid of parts of themselves.  I am sure we have all tried to stop crying or wish we could rid ourselves of our rage, pain, sorrow, hate.  Doesn’t work.  Somehow, if we want to be one or whole, we have to feel everything deeply, and then and only then, do we get to know fully who we are and maybe get better at choosing how we show up.